No idea

No idea what to write here, just feel like writing something,

I always had loads of thinkings in my mind but the forgetful me just can't remember anything when I open this window and is ready to post an entry.

Got really fed up with SAM this few moments, assignments and tests r piling up like SHIT, I hate to remember those stupid Due Dates a.k.a deadlines-*yea i know I am going to be dEAD if I ever dare to not pass up my assignments.* I know the college is training us this way for our own sack, but yet, don't they know that we, the students are really suffering? Can you imagine the feeling of having so much "things=worries" to pile up in front of you, with tests and assignments due on the same day? Yea, I don't look stressed, and I don't act to be that way, cos I don't, for no reason. What I m writing here is just my inner feelings that can't be released thoroughly in my normal days. It's just a unique feeling that you can feel something is blocking your way. Obstacles, like my life just can't go smoothly without so much worries. Assignments and tests r at fault. yea...rite... I m slowly turning into a dumb"er" person, "er" as I was dumb for the past years too. =P
I really agree with what penguin told me. People with less knowledge will always be looked down by those with higher "isiS" in their brain. I can be regarded brainless for my age, turning 18 soon, I still haven't find or get the right way in socializing, get my days organized, solving my own problems,etc. God, I still have so much to learn!

It's always an eternal nightmare for me in everything I have done wrong or have not done well. People tend to say, don look back, look far in front. No, for me, it's so so so different as people always treat me so unfairly. Every time I failed in doing something, they will be so happy despite my sadness and disappointment. After all, they are just evil to keep repeating or reminding or just telling others about my wrong-doings in the past. WHATS WRONG WITH THEM?! And most importantly, I felt damn helpless cos I didn't know what to talk back. Remain silence is the best way to solve problem..? Nope, sorry you are wrong again. But yet, other than the lousiest way of solving the problem-keeping silence, I just couldn't get back my self-esteem at that heart-broken moment and fight back with any other words. SHIt me. Flashing back on my failures, especially in my results, which had been dropping like bomb n "surprised" or may had "brought happiness" to some families of my friends, I don't even know what am I going to blame myself for. For laziness, for not focusing on studies? for being day-dreaming in secondary life? for...for...for...reasons are going to be infinite.

Sometimes, or in fact most of the times, I tried to look at the bright side of a particular thing. Yea, indeed it some how works, in a way that it brings me temporary relief and understanding about "something". Like not-remembering:- what bad deeds has this person done to you in the past, how has he or she betrayed you, how has he or she hurt you, etc. Asking me if I could do that. For sure, and most probably, my answer is NO. No and no.(for my own reasons) Actually friends around me, who may not understand me thoroughly(although they are "considered" to be my so-called"good" friends) has always disappoint me when they say some points(about me) which I think is totally WRONG. cos the person she was talking about was absolutely not me. My impression for her is that I am lack of forgiveness. Maybe my smelly mouth has been betraying me, for talking nonsense and simply joking around. Some more, she said I do not treat my friends that nice( as in not good enough), well, this really hurt me loads- sometimes my family members even blamed me for giving too much attention on my friends-in which my LurvE ones do not like and advised me not to put in so much effort on friends who r "useless"- in order to not get HUrt that much at last. I refused to listen to them. At last, yea, elders or jiejieS are correct. and I m taught to listen to people's advises(ppl= those who give useful and right advices).